The Last Leaf of Fall

*I wrote this back in 1999 when I started to realize that I really had to grow up...but didn't really want to. I still don't think I have.*

My childhood mind always wandered off,
When the winds of time whispered in my ear,
Telling me to prepare for anything,
Because the future is always unclear.
I once was an energetic dreamer,
Who ran wild in green grass without a care.
Back then my future meant nothing to me.
I just seized the days of the summer flair.

I can think of nothing but my past,
As I sit here staring out the window,
Searching the sunshine for simple reasons why,
My past lurks in my future’s shadow.
Now my friends in grade school have gone their own ways.
The grass in my field has died and turned brown.
My playground is covered with spider webs and vines.
I wonder if I can return to that town.

I’ve wrongfully neglected my distant past,
That’s why I’m stuck on my uncomfortable present.
I’m afraid to face this oncoming future.
My situation might turn rough and unpleasant.
I’ve been searching the stars in the night sky,
Like the curious eyes of a baby.
Desperately searching for reasons why,
The future I face is so shady.

My future is like a perpetual day.
I’m facing an unpredictable dawn.
It’s like speeding down life’s dark highway,
Driving faster without my headlights on.
I’m looking into my cloudy rear view,
Viewing the darkest depths of my past.
My childhood colors are no longer vivid,
My memories have become gray photographs.

I’ve feared the unclear for so many years,
I was wrong for letting memories die.
While I was obsessed with material things,
My life was slowly passing me by.
I dealt with my dreams, not my reality.
I was disrespectful towards my mom and dad.
I was so concerned with what I wanted,
I forgot about the things I already had.

I miss the days I would explore the hills,
And climb to the top of the highest tree.
I miss the nights I’d sing to the moon,
And see it’s pale face stare down at me.
Have I changed that much since I lived those days,
Where the sun would shine and bright lights would fly?
Where stars were like candles in the dark sky,
Gently flickering as winds passed them by?

My days of cut off shorts and shirts are over.
On those midnight streets I can no longer dance.
Now I am working a full time job,
Living in dress shirts and khaki pants.
The season in my life is now changing.
The first focus of change starts with me.
The last leaf of fall has fallen to the ground.
The first blossom of spring has blossomed on the tree.