Random Mind Dumplings 8

*There is an e-mail going around that has about a dozen police department mugshots of people wearing different types Pro-Obama T-Shirts. "There MUST be a message here..." was written at the bottom of the e-mail. I'll tell you what the message was: "Dumbasses that get arrested sometimes wear T-shirts." If I was to gather a bunch of mug shots of people wearing Lynard Skynard T-shirts, the message would be the same.

*Although I got rid of the whole "enema" theme, I will keep my random thought issues titled "Dumplings" mainly because I have had 7 prior issues. I replaced the "enema" theme with a "harvest" theme.

*Fuck Perez Hilton. What business does a Pillow Biting Fairy like him have judging a beauty pageant? Shouldn't he have been judging the "Mr. U.S.A. Pageant?" A Woman's stance on Gay Marriage should have nothing to do with the damn pageant. I don't know what was more ridiculous, his question or his reaction to her answer.

*A fifth grader here in Atlanta recently commited suicide due to being constantly bullied at school. A few years ago, a girl killed her self after being bullied over the Internet. Kids, this might sound a bit insensitive but the bullies are there to prepare you for the real assholes you'll meet later on in life as a grown up.

*There is a lot of talk about that Woman who hired a look-a-like stripper to go to her 10 year High School Reunion instead of showing up the the reunion herself. Although it was a pretty damn good idea, I can't help but to wonder how much of a loser she was 10 years ago.

*Do you ever wonder how many "reality TV stars" are actually employed? How many American Idol winners actually become an American Idol. How many engagements on "The Bachelor", "Flavor of Love", "I Love New York", "Rock of Love", and "A Shot At Love" actually turned into a succesful marriage? Does anyone really give a shit about the past winners of all of those "Survivor" shows? When reality TV shows take over ESPN, I'm going to jump off of a bridge.

*I have determined that it is perfectly fine for a man to sit down to pee only under the condition that he is too drunk or hungover to stand up. I've been doing it for a while with great results. You wont even hear me bitching about the toilet seat either because although I may be drunk, I have enough sense to check the seat before sitting on it (yep, Ladies...I went there).

The Town that Prepared Me for Las Vegas

Out of all the friends I had to leave behind in Vacaville, California I miss one the most. He would have been 30 years old today. I'm not one to linger on depressing issues so I usually do what I do best...avoid those issues. I can't avoid this issue today because this IS his day. He was my best friend and his name was Tyler Golson.

Many people that know me would most likely classify me as a "teenage boy trapped in a man's body." I would sugar coat that by saying that I "grew old before I ever grew up." There is a reason behind all of this immaturity. I have been having a hard time getting past the mindset of a 17 year old which is the same age Tyler was when he passed away. His death was the end of a huge chapter of my life that I have never wanted to close.

In my mind, the chapter will always stay open. I often have different types of dreams in which I find out that his death was a hoax. The most frequent dream is that instead of dying, he fell into a coma. In these dreams, he regains conciousness and we spend hours upon hours of catching up on all the stuff he missed out on since June 15, 1996, the day he died.

I'd like to see the look on his face when I tell him that they have made three X-Men movies (our favorite comic book out of all the ones we collected). I often imagine how he would react to me signing onto X-Box live and watching me play next generation video games with people around the country. I would like to take him to a strip bar and show him how fun it is to flirt and interact with women (even naked ones).

So when you really think about it, the first three things that come to my mind if I ever was to see him again would be comic books, video games, and strippers...just like your typical teenage boy. Sometimes I have the mindset of a 17 year old; I want to still be able to relate to him when he comes back. In the end, I don't know what's worse, waking up realizing it was all just a dream or waking up, looking in the mirror, and realizing that I am staring at the face of someone who is almost almost 30.

The fourth X-Men movie is coming out May 1rst and I plan to go see it. It will be one of the last movies I see in my twenties. Sometimes I feel like I'm leaving him behind. I just can't see myself getting older without him, and yet, I am getting older without him.